


Dave Tries Out a New Persona

by itsrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Book 01: So You Want to be a Wizard, Book: A Wrinkle In Time, Homestuck5, M/M, Narnia, Pern (Dragonriders of Pern), new harry potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:42:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22890442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose
Summary: David Strider.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Dave Tries Out a New Persona

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsdave](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/gifts).



> Made with Homestuck5.com.

DAVE: ok check it out  
DAVE: im new harry potter  
KARKAT: YOU'RE WHAT.  
DAVE: new harry potter  
KARKAT: YOU'RE NEW HARRY POTTER.  
DAVE: yeah like old harry potter but way better  
DAVE: check this out  
DAVE: hup  
KARKAT: WOW.  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: SO WHAT ABOUT YOU IS HARRY POTTER.  
DAVE: nothing  
DAVE: im not harry potter im new harry potter  
DAVE: theyre completely different  
KARKAT: YOU JUST SAID YOU'RE LIKE OLD HARRY POTTER.  
DAVE: god karkat are you seriously still talking about old harry potter  
DAVE: its like  
DAVE: get with the times guy  
DAVE: i mean i know im like the expert on being at the forefront of the cultural zeitgeist  
DAVE: but you could at least make an effort here  
DAVE: pull your weight dude  
DAVE: that geist is shaking in its little wooden ghost clogs or whatever geists walk around in  
DAVE: i mean i am like on TOP of this tidal wave of great new literary characters headed straight for your tropical village full of old ideas  
DAVE: youre just sitting in your bamboo hut with a fucking stupid grin  
DAVE: dreaming of so you want to be a wizard and a wrinkle in time and fucking  
DAVE: dragonriders of pern  
DAVE: what else could we want for when we have the greatest literature in the english language printed out on this shitty island you ask yourself  
DAVE: it looks great but after a few days the sun and the beach get pretty boring dont they  
DAVE: no problem we got a nasty moldy hut made of leaves that smells like a lobster just got home from the worst job of his life as a plumber  
DAVE: and lobsters are biologically immortal you know that  
DAVE: so that means we are talking a real long history of lobster toilet plunging  
KARKAT: I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT LOBSTERS.  
DAVE: yeah well  
DAVE: that lobster has seen some shit  
DAVE: pun intended obviously  
DAVE: that lobster has seen some shit and got it all over his carapace and just generally had a real bad day  
DAVE: and now hes looking forward to getting home and hang out with his lobster wife and lobster kids running around  
DAVE: but he walks into the hut and only sees piles of childrens fantasy from basically before shakespeare times  
DAVE: the lion the witch and the wardrobes stacked up casting a shadow on him  
DAVE: he realizes he and his family was only a metaphor for how bad the hut smells  
DAVE: poof hes gone  
DAVE: you cough after breathing in some lobster dust  
KARKAT: DAVE.  
KARKAT: THAT REALLY SUCKS FOR ME.  
DAVE: naw its fine because you got your young adult fantasy novels all around you  
DAVE: you hold  
DAVE: fucking  
DAVE: redwall up to your nose and close your eyes  
DAVE: sampling the bouquet  
DAVE: meanwhile im rocketing on my surfboard straight toward dipshit island  
DAVE: im not even doing sweet flips and stunts anymore  
DAVE: just chillin  
DAVE: lounging on the surfboard like its no big deal  
DAVE: like i basically level young adult fantasy islands with tsunamis daily  
KARKAT: YOU SAID IT WAS CALLED DIPSHIT ISLAND.  
DAVE: god karkat you need to LISTEN  
DAVE: karkat  
DAVE: dipshit is the name of the island  
DAVE: but its part of the greater young adult fantasy and sci fi archipelago  
DAVE: anyway yeah youre just rolling around eating sand when i land on your house and fucking trash the place  
DAVE: all the books are instantly ruined  
DAVE: a wave of new harry potter saltwater rushes up your nose  
DAVE: mattimeo?  
DAVE: never knew em  
DAVE: anyway what im saying is  
DAVE: get with the times were through with old harry potter that stuff is like  
DAVE: clay tablets from ancient babylon with the abridged version of the epic of gilgamesh on it to sell to the kids  
DAVE: theyre not old enough to go read the original get real  
DAVE: even adults are careful  
DAVE: you read that on the wrong day of the week and they toss you in the river  
DAVE: say youll be fine if the gods think youre worth saving  
DAVE: so yeah im new harry potter  
KARKAT: WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY MEAN.  
KARKAT: I KNOW ALL OF THOSE WORDS BUT THE ORDER YOU'VE PUT THEM IN IS COMPLETELY WRONG.  
DAVE: karkat  
DAVE: im only going to say it one more time  
DAVE: okay  
DAVE: i am  
DAVE: new  
DAVE: harry potter  
DAVE: alright?  
KARKAT: ALL RIGHT.  



End file.
